She really is impertinent, isn't she?

I have been diagnosed.

It was a little silly to pay a doctor to tell me what I already know.
It's too bad that he's too young to recognize a monster when he sees one.

Idea

Play the cups game with a jar of weed while singing Dave Matthews songs.
"We are Gollum," I rasp to myself as I clutch my toes and rock back and forth in the front seat of my car.  "We are in this together to the end."
Friends are our secret weapons for life.
"Are you responsible for the hamster in my piano?"

"What does that even mean? Is that an expression?"

To do list:

Grow up.

Stop hiding.
God makes love to me in the rain

and

it did not rain tonight.
"I am not very attractive when I am this baked."
Sometimes I forget how real monsters are.

"Can they get past the Secret Circle?"

a tremulous voice in my head inquires.


                      *~***~*


We don't have a secret circle, dumbass. 
I underestimated the importance of practicing technical line drawings and exercising by sketching copies of the masters.

I must go find a library.

Top 5 Women

Lisa Summers
Sarah
Nikki
Ashley
Eowyn

Top 5 Men

ObiWan Kenobi
John Constantine
Anthony Hopkins
Will Graham
Mikey
Your naivete is an advanced and effective form of seduction.

Icarus

I fly for the sun
only to burn

and

when I awake
I return a prodigal.

The most rare second chance is given in the form of a kiss,
and I must promise to behave

but

I am offered the choice
to fly for the sun again.

    And I scream my reply,

    a flagrant



   "fuck yes".


I love the way I burn
so bright, horrible, and hot,
only to plunge into the ocean.
A grave of shifting gray,
                                       
                                         cold,

                                     
                                                 and all alone.

I fucking messed up

but I didn't think it was going to hurt this much.

If our buildings were gods

how capricious life would seem.

A dance between the legs of the ill-tempered
would rip the world in two.

What's in the box?

Just a little "happily ever after" for the demon princeling.

Baby, not today.

Close your eyes.

Close    

        your




             eyes.

It was a beautiful day to die.

Perhaps she should have been alarmed that she had this thought at least once a day. But then, any day could be her last. Death was to be expected, welcomed with a sleepy sort of joy or fear.

And it would be so easy to just drift into oncoming traffic, into the path of a semi or a train. So easy. Then it would all be over.

It would be still.

There would be nobody to disappoint or try to please. There would be no constant ache behind her eyes or nagging hunger in her gut.






It would be quiet.

And just a little too dark, like the day that she died.

My mother tried to set me up again today.

That poor, poor boy is so lucky I am not even a little interested.

What's this silly rush to get married, anyway?

Flashcards for Carter

I am going to make little laminated "What to do in certain emergencies" cards to go in the glove compartment of my future hypothetical daughter's car. Think about it. They would be so useful, wouldn't they? Especially when you are in an emergency and you freak out and then you remember you have a little manual to follow and you can calm down long enough to deal with the shit around you, right?

Idea:

Defensive Driving Class Porno

Adam

Your songs are a challenge to my soul:

To never let my art become stagnant,
To always be alive and growing,
Stretching to new and better things.

Challenge accepted.

I will be alive in an aura of purple.
I will accept love and joy and happiness
So that I can give them away again.

And we will be remembered.

I will finally

not be

                                       
                                            alone.
Just realized that Constantine, the protagonist of my silly story, is my sassy, gay, male alter ego. His stories are my confessions.

This is really unnerving, guys. You have no idea.

Spiral

I drift in a frozen coma of gray:
A watery well
closed and dark behind my eyelids,
sweet and light to my unseeing eyes.

The innocence I lost is

fl  it ti n g

between my fingertips.

But my arms are rigid and white,
my fingers a beautiful sailboat blue,
unable to grasp a precious second chance,
unable to adapt by mutilation.

I float in the cold,

dead

quiet of the sea.
                           
                                             
                             I have never been so lost.

Fury

But what if

you

cross a black cat's path?

Please

I have never wanted anything so badly.

My mind is a puzzle without glue:

Fragile and crisply broken into a thousand pieces.

Ribbons

Ribbons on my shoulders
Ribbons on my thighs
Ribbons on my wrists and arms
And ribbons around my eyes.

New Musical Idea

The U.S.S. Enterprise

a comic opera modelled on the work of

W.S. Gilbert

and

Arthur Sullivan.

And there could be different acts for different Enterprise crews and shit.

Words of a Former Anarchist

We will take our first step towards recovery,
Our first step towards a semblance of peace,

The next stage in our evolution
is within the reach of this generation's youth

And

It will be our last chance before our promises are forever broken





                                           and we are going to have peace
                                                or we are going to die trying.

The Itch

I hear him coming.

His servants betray him as
the darkest of chills in the night,
the silence that follows in his wake,
and the whisper of a tear

that has no meaning.

I run for freedom, but he follows
hidden in the ache in my stomach,
the treacherous thoughts that never sleep,
and the tall, thin shadow behind my door.

He waits for me to beg him to stop.

I realize now that I can never be free
from a childhood promise made in pain,
an unbreakable vow wrapped in sorrow
and understood by none.

I hear him coming and

I am alone.

Epiphany

Good shit is still good shit at a good price.

Sometimes

All I want to do is rinse my tattered skin clean,
put my heart back inside my chest.

I want to watch my scarlet cries for love swirl away
into the icy, gray depths of the sea.

Because they never really last anyway.
Maybe I should write to PostSecret and tell them that I am weirdly attracted to Brian on Family Guy.

Seth MacFarlane, curse you and your sexy voice.

Jen: a love song

There are many things I want to say to your crimson face,
starting with the words of a rite I wager we both know well.

The fractured shards of evil in your soul beg me to chase them
into the pigs on the cliffside or back to the heat of hell.

But, alas!

You must keep them all inside.
For there is not enough time to perform our little exorcism.

Instead:

Keep your stupid comments in your pocket
and we'll get along just fine.
For although my love for you knows no bounds
you're just too annoying
for me to deal with right now.


Mmm'kay pumpkin?

I am feeling especially lesbian today.
I have a strange, embarrassing, newfound appreciation for Oasis.

Those sons of bitches.

Those no-good sons of bitches.

Jesus loves vampires too.

This is the theme of my neeeew booook.

Hearken to the decree of our mighty Queen Winter:

Color,
the brightest regent
of our great Mother Earth
is to submit himself
for punishment,


For he has forgotten his place.

As it pleases her majesty,
He is to be banished,
Dismissed like a belligerent child,
Exiled to live the prodigal life
he extols from every autumnal hilltop,
every city street corner
slick with red heat,
and every drug-induced dream.

He is to be disinherited,
his open and rash words blotted out,
their fluorescent poison
flushed from our great kingdom.

For his songs scream the heresy of life,
and his dancing steps disrupt
the linear progress of our nation.

A patchwork whirlwind of life
Never bowed to anyone.
The joy of a feverish love
Never led a sinner to purity.

The Queen of all that is white and gray
has decreed that he should be forgotten.

So let it be.