My mother tried to set me up again today.

That poor, poor boy is so lucky I am not even a little interested.

What's this silly rush to get married, anyway?

Flashcards for Carter

I am going to make little laminated "What to do in certain emergencies" cards to go in the glove compartment of my future hypothetical daughter's car. Think about it. They would be so useful, wouldn't they? Especially when you are in an emergency and you freak out and then you remember you have a little manual to follow and you can calm down long enough to deal with the shit around you, right?

Idea:

Defensive Driving Class Porno

Just realized that Constantine, the protagonist of my silly story, is my sassy, gay, male alter ego. His stories are my confessions.

This is really unnerving, guys. You have no idea.

Please

I have never wanted anything so badly.

My mind is a puzzle without glue:

Fragile and crisply broken into a thousand pieces.

Maybe I should write to PostSecret and tell them that I am weirdly attracted to Brian on Family Guy.

Seth MacFarlane, curse you and your sexy voice.

I am feeling especially lesbian today.

I have a strange, embarrassing, newfound appreciation for Oasis.

Those sons of bitches.

Those no-good sons of bitches.

Good Lord in Heaven.

He's Welsh and his religion has "lapsed a bit"

so hot